before sunset take 2..

this is a movie i have always liked.. sometimes i think its too cliched.. put paris, a guitar, 2 romantics, one a writer and the other a non-profit enthusiast and 9 years between the time they met and the previous time they met, you get before sunset.. but i am seeing it right now and there are two things that i am realizing that i could not have known before.. call it growing up or higher self awareness...

the first is that what they talk is more real than imaginary.. its first inanity, then anger and then lastly joy in each other's company.. its amazing...

the second thing is i am 200% sure now of the ending.. he is going to sleep with her.. there is no choice.. there never was.. i never knew this before.. always thought the choice was with the viewer.. but now i know there isn't.. such are their characters.. they both value life too much to take another chance.. their morals belong in a place that doesn't touch their love for one another..

its interesting.. the take 2.. i wonder if this will change if i gave myself another 5 years :)

maalika

addendum: its not even about their personalities.. there are a lot of romantic people on this earth.. writers, artists, photographers.. yada yada yada.. it's the age that they met and what they thought of each other at that time.. as she says in the movie, over time, we become disillusioned.. and we may love another the best way we possibly can.. but the memory of that intensity.. when you think the sun rises and sets with him/her.. that's what makes it a bond that can only happen maybe once in a person's life.. and cannot be recaptured again.. however romantic the people you meet in the future are.. it is a good movie for capturing this..

being stable..

i have never been a very stable person.. now i wonder why and if it is something that i should cultivate.. i have wondered at people who i think are stable.. what keeps them so? its like a weight that they carry happily.. to me stability has always been synonymous with stagnation or boredom.. maybe that's wrong.. maybe stability is a measure of sanity.. and i am not as sane as i could be?

wow.. scary line of thought.. but something i want to take seriously.. be warned friends, stay away! will let you know when i am stable enough :)

have a good day..

maalika

contradictions..

can't sleep
can't be awake..
can't work
can't sit still..
feel peaceful.
feel impatient..
want to be alone..
want to be with people..
want to be loved..
want to be self sufficient..
want to be moral..
want to err..
want to risk..
want to be conservative..
i enjoy this pain..
am tortured by it..
i want to keep the secret..
want to shout it aloud..
i don't want to write poetry..
can't help it..
don't want to remember..
don't want to forget..
want to close my ears..
am straining to hear it..
the silence is incredible..
the cliches are comforting..
there is novelty..
there is routine..
the music is too mellow..
my heart is too loud..
where my writing ends..
my life starts..

have a good day friends,
m

human evolution...

too many things have been happening in my life.. between being forced to take 2 vacations by my company, searching for truth through jiddu (memories are dead, thinker is the thought and the meditator is the meditation, the end of meditation is meditation itself), contemplating meditating again and focusing on just experiencing, i have been having a full life... incidentally i read a book and saw a movie on surrogate mothers this weekend..

it was interesting.. we are all creatures of evolution.. man takes his role as the provider of the family seriously.. and the woman as the nurturer of the child.. it was interesting to see how strong this bond can be.. i am not sure how romanticized these things are having never been a mother myself.. my mom exaggerates her role to such a degree that i do not believe it actually.. it will be an interesting experience though and one i am pretty curious about.. as much as thinkers say that we are all about the search for truth.. and meditation etc etc, there is a rational part of me which says we are all about producing the next generation and providing for them..

for while there are words and words on spirituality, the evidence in terms of action that the 6 billion people populating this earth has shown us is that, it could very well be all about producing the next generation.. it is interesting.. to be in search for truth (although jiddu says to search for anything is futile, as the result is a futile thing..) okay, let me rephrase.. it is interesting to be aware of the mechanisms of the world and to willingly take part in it, as if we had no choice.. the world does seem like a very real stage me.. with all the roles i have to play and take seriously (including paying taxes and abiding legal contracts of all kinds!).. i sometimes would like to go to a forest never to return to this reality.. what would happen then?

things to meditate on... (as thinking never really brings clarity! - courtesy jiddu :) )
hope you are all having as rocking a time as i am..
m

lesson of the moth..

i put a question on facebook - is it better to be cold and alive or burned and dead.. and my friend referred me this poem.. its incredible..


i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense

plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves

and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity

but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself