almost there..

to me how beautiful a person is a direct proportion of the way he/she makes me feel when I am with them..

what do you think? i wish people understood this meaning of the word and stopped worrying about how they looked..

similarly how powerful a person is a direct proportion of how powerless i feel in his/her presence..

so power is inherently nasty.. because you make the other person feel powerless..
another interesting thought.. wow, i am amazed at my own insights! just exploiting correlations and extracting causations here...

wisdom is a proportion of tolerance.. i cannot imagine a wise and impatient or intolerant person..

so all i need to achieve god-dom is to be tolerant of others and make them feel really good.. (makes me wonder if prostitutes feel this godliness.. hmmm.. food for thought) okay - that's not correct.. you cannot make others feel good always.. should not in fact.. somewhere you have to do the right things too.. - shit, its not so simple anymore.. for a second i thought i had it there.. because the question now is what is right? it is independent of how others feel right?

truth, where are you?

random pleasures..

truly.. that's ipod for you.. i typically plan the list of songs that i want to hear when i drive to and from office.. but somehow, the mode got changed to random.. though at first it was irritating, now i like it.. i will tell you why

the reason unlike some of my friends i do not listen to radio, is that I am a very mood focused person (as in very attuned to my moods).. songs bring up different moods for me based on when i used to hear them.. for instance, there are some songs that make me gleeful, because i used to song them with my sister, bastardize the lyrics and pain my mom.. some songs make me melancholy because i used to listen to it to console myself after a break up.. some songs remind me of someone because we discovered the song together.. some because i danced to it.. some because of shahrukh khan (of course, how can i miss him).. some because i like the technique of the singing.. some because of the voice of the singer.. and some because of the lyrics..

but when they are randomized, it's almost like a gift.. i dunno what to expect, but it's mostly always a good surprise.. because you see i love all my moods.. they are all my moods after all.. and very special to me...

so, try it.. random pleasures for free..

essay on doing what you love..

http://www.paulgraham.com/love.html

its pretty cool.. hard to find loopholes in the analysis..

the ilk of ignominious minions

okay.. am losing out in the tug of war between logic and emotion.. why the f**k is it always like this? logic says, go to the gym, you have to go to a friend's house tonight.. but the lull of the evening says.. why don't you let some steam out before you resume the run that's your life?

anyways.. my mom is always saying that i should become an author.. that i read too much.. (never more than 4 books a week).. that i am fluent etc etc.. i cannot imagine being lonely for the duration of writing a book.. and secondly i cannot imagine editing it! i write like the water flows in a tap (an american tap, i might add).. without hesitation.. or consideration for anyone but my own sensibilities..

ahhh... what should I do with my life.. why am i not able to shake this feeling that i am destined to do something for the larger good? and why is the path not clear.. and my character so weak? aren't people who do big things supposed to be larger than life? but i am such a coward in so many ways.. total type mismatch only.. waiting for the jigsaw to fall in place..

m

PS: don't wonder about the subject.. just some new words with a nicfe ring to it to break the pattern and spark some interest :)

Is cynism the limit of romanticism?

i was speaking to a friend of mine a few days ago.. now this friend is an old one and very perceptive.. so in the middle of our conversation, he said that my blogs follow a very predictable pattern.. and he analyzed every line of the previous post and gave me his objective (a favorite word of his) opinion.. i was amazed that even he knew nothing much about my personal life, he had deduced its dirty secrets.. i have been in a very thoughtful mood ever since..

one of the things he said was how writing about "unfulfillment" for lack of a real word, could be dangerous.. like it could be a vicious circle.. that i might write that because it is romantic and poetic.. but life can begin to suck if i started to think in that manner.. and i could not but admit the truth of his words.. i have been a slave of romance to the extent that i decided at some point that the only way i could survive was if i became a cynic and not allow myself to get hurt by my own extreme romanticism.. but i have paid a big price for my own misinterpretations of myself.. and sometimes i do fear that it continues to some extent even today, because it's almost become a habit now..

and he suggested i read Jiddu Krishnamurthy's "Commentaries on Life" - so, that's what i am going to do :) let's see if that helps..

having a great weekend i hope,
m

lonely planet..

ever wonder why one of the best travel books is called lonely planet? i have... its because when you travel, you are seldom alone, but almost always lonely.. pushed out of comfort zone.. its a huge plant with 6 billion people.. but many many millions of them lonely.. strange no?

i am person with an inordinate ability to cut to the core of things.. i am not boasting, because in many situations this is the exact opposite of diplomacy, which by now you might all know about me.. but what i like about this stuff about and what prevents me from changing (as if that would have been possible), okay, what makes me proud of it is when i engage in this level 5 conversation, i don't feel lonely anymore.. everything else, including talking about weather to my mother, or neighbors to my husband makes me feel lonely.. its like, i need to talk about what's high on your mind now, all the time!!

not sure if i am keeping it simple this way or not.. but it's funny, no?

did you know?

that the precursor to the industrial revolution was the clock - yes, it was when everyone could synchronize their time, that people could meet at a specific time and start work and finish etc.. pretty cool if you think about it..