flu mech

i have to rush to the gym.. but i can't resist this one.. when i was in iitm - i used to get pained on the day before exams.. mostly because all the girls will lock the door and not let anyone disturb them.. and i would go crazy with distraction.. so i used to end up doing all sorts of non-sense.. one of those exams that i remember very well, like it was y'day was this fluid mechanics class... i was finding it pretty difficult and pretty complicated.. and i was pained trying to mug it... (wah, i go back to iit times, and my lingo creeps in automatically!!!) so what i did was take up this challenge of learning the lyrics of this hindi song.. so, this was at a time, when i would not even "han" in hindi without blushing and feeling all self-conscious.. so it was a big ambition, since this song had peculiar lyrics that was almost a tongue twister for a non-native speaker.. of course, today when i listen to this song, i feel as comfortable as a fluent speaker can.. but on that particular night, i might have rewinded that tape (yes, those were the times of cassettes) some 50 times.. (yeah, no google, no laptop, no nothing - but rewind and re-listen!)

and that's how i sailed through fluid mechanics with a song on my lips :)

here is the song:

Kya kare kya na kare yeh sun lo mere bhai
Koi to bataa de iska Hal o mere bhaai
Ke ek taraf to us se pyaar kare hum
Aur usko inhe kahne se dare hum...

Roz roz hum, sochta yahin,
Aaj humko woh nazar mil jaye kahin,
To aisa bolega (saala) waisa bolega,
Khullam khulla us pe Dil ka raaz hum Kholega,
Woh saamne chamakti hai, saans hi atakti hai,
Aur yeh zabaan jaati hai fisal...

Koi badi baat nahin, Humein kahna tha jo bhi,
Woh to hum yoohin kahte magar,
Phir bhi kaha nahin,
wajah iski hai yahi,
Bas inkaar se hum ko tha dar..
Ab kahe ya na kahe, kahan kahe kab kahe,
Soch soch main hi woh gayi nikal...

m

regrets..

i should have never started to blog.. one way communication is actually so depressing really.. its pathetic.. like one of those bands that play in a romantic hotel where the couples are least interested in listening to the music.. i actually get depressed in such places because i become overly empathetic to the guy singing so soulfully.. and pathetically..

what is most pathetic is that by keeping it open, you think that it has the potential to reach billions of people - but the reality is, the probability that the potential is reached is a one in a billion - its more like the one person reading my blog doesn't even bother to respond.. how pathetic!! but if blogging is like speaking as if someone is listening to you, watching TV is worse.. its like listening as if someone is speaking to you... when they are not.. so i guess, blogging is better still than watching TV.. since you exercise your choice - you write about what you want to write about.. it clarifies your brain - rather than muddling it.. and you can actually get paid for it if enough number of people start reading it eventually... potentially that is (and we know how pathetic potential is)..

anyway, life's like that.. all you smart non-bloggers and avid blog readers..
many salutes..

m

twin obsessions: love and death..

as I have got at least 1 vote, saying that the person wants to know about me more than anything else, I have decided to humor him/her..

yesterday i went to the gym at six sharp to watch the day's news being ripped apart by rachel, only to note that she was not hosting it yesterday... the depth of my disappointment could only mean one thing: yes, i am deeply in love with rachel maddow :( now, this did bewilder me initially, esp after poring over her fan sites, I found that she is a lesbian.. but my soul mate (i do have one and it's a she) knowing me confirmed that i am very much a heterosexual, except when it comes to soul mating :)

that said - i want to cover a more serious topic in this post.. and its mostly because it's something i don't like to think about but want to.. death.. its such a funny thing.. as long as you are alive you really do not think about death.. its all about trivial pursuits.. i became sick a couple of months ago, and the doctor misdiagnosed and it became worse.. this weekend, I got really scared and i realized at that time one thing - that i stopped thinking about life - the usual things like do i look good, did i prepare for the meeting tomorrow, how is this movie.. i just wanted to think about myself and think about living again.. its like the fear of death is absorbs 100% mind share when it comes..

the good news, i think i will become alright now and soon - and looking it was such a minor condition that swelled disproportionately in my mind.. i wanted my parents to drop everything to be on phone with me all the time.. i wanted everyone around me to focus on me and what i was going through.. but they all found it so difficult, since they decided that it was a small affair and more importantly, they were living.. not contemplating death like me!!

this single minded obsession over dying put a lot of things in perspective and made me appreciate my job which gave me the flexibility to indulge myself in my fancy fears for sometime without having to go mad over the incompatible fears of making a presentation in time and my life and death issue. anyway, its a funny thing to go through.. and reminded me of the importance of providing a safe haven for the dying who can die in peace.. seems like it could be more important than living in peace..

as always, when I start the write, there are so many things that I could write about.. but will leave out some for the next one..

tc

maalika

yeh dooriyan...

i take it all back.. today i saw love aaj kal in the theatre. with the all important english subtitles.. i think the director has tried to tackle a difficult subject in a pretty natural way - at least as natural as it can get within the strappings of a hindi movie... the heroine went through a divorce!! my my are we setting precedents for bollywood and the indian culture as a whole..

but the most important part is that i have fallen in love with yeh dooriyan.. and thankfully saif ali khan has temporarily but completely displaced my dangerous crush on rachel maddow :)

maalika

Desi Junta Pardy

i have at last decided what I want to be.. my MBA has given me the tools that I needed to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.. it is simply a mapping of my skills and interests... so let us see.. my skills: ability to talk voluminously and eloquently, ability to modulate to various levels of animation while I am talking, ability to make my logic so convoluted that it always sounds right, produce the right emotions on my face while applying cold logic in my brain, high levels of imagination, short memory, ability to be optimistic in the face of shitty circumstances.. now, my interests: make a positive change to billions of lives in my lifetime, be known by one and all.. add to this mapping my low expectations from my personal life and high career ambitions.. and you get voila! the prime minister of india..

yes, I have decided that that's who i wanna be... and i have also decided to plan the rest of my life to meet my this holy goal.. while I was doing my first brainstorming session with my one true fan, we came up with the name for my party - DJP - yes, desi junta pardy.. it sounds sufficiently american to attract the aspiring young of india into my party and sufficiently indian and cliched that it appeals to the masses.. it highlights my experience in these two countries and makes it seem like i have the perfect answer to the merger between western and eastern ideals that india is struggling with right now..

i am actively seeking a spokesperson for my party.. remember that if I get elected,I will make sure that the country will never want for water, sun, roads, flowers, forests, poetry and music.. i will also strive to remove all visa requirements in the US for Indians... please sign by clicking the "Post a comment" link below :)

have a good weekend,
maalika

tamil kuch khaas hai..

anyone who knows me knows that i am a near tamil fanatic.. not because I am a stud in it, but because it is my mother tongue.. and i am able to appreciate it in ways that i cannot appreciate any other language.. in fact i have not even learned tamil in school.. all that i know is sheerly by listening to songs, reading novels etc.. one day i was generally doing some research on the subject and I found that tamil was one of the original branches of the nostratic languages. I was so impressed by it that I thought i will brag in my blog about it.. so please see the visual where i have explained the major language clusters and how tamil has its unique pride of place in the original branch... no wonder i love tamil more than other languages!! :)

anyways coming back to me (it's always me, isn't it?) i am listening these days to this really lovely song called kuch khaas hai from a hindi movie called fashion. it's an amazing song- and as i was driving back home wondering why i found it so amazing, i realized that it was mostly due to the many shaayads in the song.. what a relief after all the triumphant declarations of love that i am used to in indian songs, to hear for the first time, uncertainty! my only heartfelt wish is that I understood the song.. it just has too many beautiful rhyming words that i simply cannot understand.. which holds its magic for me.. for i would probably stop listening to it once i have tasted the song in all my moody palettes.. but it's also frustrating trying to put my own meaning to these words and seeing how it feels to me.. like does ikraar mean restlessness? it fits... khumaar means helplessness? desire? man.. anyway.. lovely song.. listen to it..

maalika

a comprehensive essay on the purpose of life :)

i have always been confused between indulgence and renunciation... i read gandhi's experiments with truth recently, and got so inspired and so confused at the same time.. because so clearly his path was not for everyone.. in fact so few people can follow it that it's hardly attractive.. he cuts his own hair, makes his own cloth, teaches his kids himself.. does agriculture.. etc etc.. he emphasized renunciation to the extreme.. just imagine a world full of it.. what is the use of being social? we could still live in the forests alone doing everything ourselves??

at the same time, indulgance makes me equally unhappy.. america is a land made for indulgance.. everyone has their own car, house, everything (except good medical insurance of course, but that's beside the point..).. and it's strangely unsatisfying, as i said in my previous blog on the bay area, what is missing is crowd and disorder and noise.. it's eerily perfect and hence not perfect enough.. its like if you keep eating what you like best everyday, you no longer want it anymore.. so we need something to restrain us from what we want, so that we can be happy in our life..

in this circular loop of wanting and not being able to achieve and achieving satisfaction in that loop... it's so weird.. like everyone's wants to get married.. and once they are married they want to be single.. then they want kids.. then they want them to grow up fast.. when they have grown they want them to be young again.. its ridiculous..still we all go through this cycle.. what is the solution to this? surrender desire and become buddha? that would be too much renunciation no?

anyways.. this morning i woke, read a novel till i realized that I will surely be 5 minutes late to my office atleast.. and then rushed through getting ready.. then ate my favorite breakfast and listened to music i love on the ride to my office which I love again.. basically i have been just indulging my senses.. yet when I saw this video on afghanistan and gaza on cnn last night on children living without hope or future or education or recreation, I hated my life to the core... at all the luxuries that I had that these darling kids around the world did not... it's SO GROSS.. SO SELFISH...

so what is life? what do I want to do? I always wanted to make it big in my life so that I can help as many people as I could... i worked hard.. and the end of a day of hard work, I was satisfied that I have earned my place in this world.. is that enough.. wanting to make it big so that you can help people? or should I just drop everything and rush to these kids in gaza (or trichy for that matter) and help them the best I can TODAY? i have been praying to god for answers and indulging myself in the meanwhile (so so selfish).. so friends, maybe you can help me?

have a good weekend, love,
m

ode to the bay..

i realized that having lived nearly 2 years in the bay area, i have not written a single entry praising the beauty of this place... actually i was so busy working that i never did have the time.. but these days i do have the time to do things, to think (which is not always a good idea as far as i go..) so i thought i will try and describe my trip to and from office.. i travel east in the morning and west in the evening.. its god's way of giving me the small pleasures of life :-)

i leave early morning to work.. most days the sun would have been up for barely an hour.. and clouds would not have parted.. i play some loud ar rahman songs.. so loud that i feel that the drums are beating in my heart.. and i can hear every tiny nuance of his music.. and then i like to think that i am driving a ferrari and not a practical honda civic.. with these thoughts i start my day with a quick prayer to the ganesha sitting contentedly on my dashboard.. as i start tackling 101 and then transition 237, there is always a moment when I am taken by the beauty of the scene ahead of me...

the mountain range ahead is hardly visible in the mist... but when I climb those curvy ups of 237, i can see them clearly with a thick blanket of clouds over them... in some areas the sun streams though and you can see the rays clearly... even though its the a/c in my car, i feel the air is crisp and fresh and i feel so exhilerated that i don't want to reach my destination anymore.. and all the while i am tearing past the roads overtaking everyone and tapping my steering wheel restlessly for the signal to turn green.. still i don't wanna reach.. just want this trip to go on and on and on...

and when i return.. after my daily gym session, feeling refreshed with wet hair and an aluminum bottle of cold water in one hand.. the view changes altogether.. by this (the sun sets at 8.30 pm, and i typically drive out by 7.45 or so..) time, the bay area has recieved a thorough beating from the harsh afternoon sun... this is another topic by itself.. i come from trichy.. a very very hot place.. but it does not compare to the sheer blazing brightness of the bay area.. its highly irritating..

but in the evening.. the sun pure molten iron.. believe i almost feel like i wanna dip my finger into the sun and come away with the florescent gold lava dripping from it.. its breathtaking.. with my sun glasses and the screen drawn in front of my eyes, i get almost blinded... but the scenery so coincides with my body.. tired and yearning for my soft bed..

bay area is one of the world's best places to live.. with the mountains, ocean, forests, deserts and its quicksilver weather.. it's one unpredictable place.. seriously i am not kidding.. you should travel here if you haven't.. have a great weekend..

maalika

PS: the only thing it lacks is lots of people.. crowds of them.. its so good that you get bored of it too easily.. a bombay like metro with jostling crowds would be delightful!!