eat pray love

its been 15 months in the US and i am on my first bout of free time.. you are going to see more of me in the next month guys..

i have been reading this book "eat pray love": thats right.. no punctuation marks.. if you know me, you already know this fact about me, if not i will tell you: I start a book with the last 2 pages.. even thrillers and the best suspense novels.. this is because firstly, I like to know that I am reading a good book, which can stand its ground despite the broken suspense, and secondly, I am far too curious to last a few hundred pages without knowing what its all about (again you should know me to believe this fact)..

anyways, this book is about an american woman who seems to have everything you would want in life, a husband, a home and a career.. but dumps it all, goes through a messy divorce and spends 4 months each in italy to eat, in india in an ashram to pray and to indonesia where she finds balance and love..

the last 4 pages was not very different from what i expected from what little i knew of american ideologies.. she finds a brazilian lover in indonesia and decides to spend the foreseeable future between america, brazil and indonesia.. the kind of life only a successful american author can afford to live.. i started with the first few chapters - there was a lot about meditation and hindu philosophies in the book, given that two thirds of the book happens on hindu soil - india and bali (the only hindu island of indonesia)

i decided it was crap and packed it.. and then i came to my in-laws' place armed with only this one unread book.. and now i had no choice but to read it.. (i know you will not sympathize with me if if you do not have in-laws yet) irrespective of its esteem in my mind.. and i started with, yes, you are right, the portion on "love": after all that praise of italian pasta and charm (which i think are both way too cheesy having been to italy myself) and talk about meditating in ashrams (which i have experienced first hand and didn't want to read about)

now bali sounds like a beautiful place and one thing that this book is thoroughly convincing about is the fact that you should visit bali at least once... anyway, this portion is a lot about philosophy of life and love and broken hearts.. (which i like, its always interesting to see how everyone reinvents the wheel for themselves, what a mockery this life is!) and she talks about marrying at 24 and making wrong decisions and all i feel is, my god this is scary.. armed with an independent will and the means to do what you want, where is the incentive to make the compromises necessary to live a life with anyone? and how does the kind of end she describes for herself resemble stability? how is this different from the marriage she had.. or is life about calling your past a stupid mistake of youth and starting anew as soon as mid-life crisis hits you?

the more i see the opposite ends of the spectrum - thanks to dividing my time between bihar and california.. the more i see the pattern.. of poverty breeding nothing but more poverty, hopelessness and frustration.. and the rich needing more and more to remain satisfied.. there is no bridging this gap.. no, not in "eat pray love".. but still i like this book, because it reminds me that i need to do something larger.. for this world, against poverty and pollution.. i sincerely hope that god gives me the energy and the tools necessary to make this positive change in this world.. like a mahatma gandhi or a mother teresa.. see even my name starts with an "m" ;-)

amen..

hi.. again..

i tried being anonymous.. i changed the blog name and tried writing anonymously.. in vain.. did not write a single post.. which knowing me, I should have guessed.. not because i yearn recognition (although a little of that doesn't hurt), but because i need to find meaning in what i do, and create impact (of some form) to people close to me.. and there is no way of doing that anonymously.. given the zillion blogs floating around the web, mine will probably be lost forever..

while i am going to start writing again in my old blog, i have decided to make one change.. and that is probably the impact of the country i am living in.. it will only have positive things.. well, my old friends, if this is not what you were looking for, I am sorry..

right now, I am planning a long trip to india.. while i so wish i was not cliched in my life, i so despicably am.. i have bought all sorts of gifts for so many people.. which is so unusual for me.. in my life i have seldom gotten gifts, blame it on my june birthday, or the fact that i lived far away from relatives or the tam culture.. so i never did cultivate the habit of giving gifts.. but here, i am forcing myself, because i know that my relatives are all so in awe of things from the US, that I should at least take something to satisfy their curiosity..

anyways, i am looking forward to the cultural homecoming aspect of going to india, its been exactl 15 months since i last set foot in india, and so many things seems to have happened in the meantime.. including a ton of my friends getting married.. its like, everyday spent in the US, I have missed one marriage.. including one of my best friends on dec 3rd and another on dec 4th.. :-(

all my dreams of wearing rich silk saris and matching jewelry has crashed.. but i look forward to setting foot on indian soil and smelling the polluted, sweat filled and none the less, oh-so-homelike air of india.. aahhhh... can't wait!!

india, i am coming home...

calvin, the divine devil..

http://progressiveboink.com/archive/calvinhobbes.htm

if you want to know how i feel about calvin and hobbes...

is all ending happy ending?

have you heard this song?

moon river, wider than a mile,
i'm crossing you in style some day.
oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
two drifters off to see the world.
there's such a lot of world to see.
we're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
moon river and me..

i was just watching it today and noticed that the movie had a happy ending after all.. the heroine ends up with the hero.. and i had to ask myself, do too many of such movies make us believe in happy ending and tragic endings.. if happiness is a state of mind, isn't all endings happy endings as long as the actors learn to live (happily i might add) with what they have?

anyways, i am watching avidly the sex and the city episode, and i realize everytime sarah jessica parker pens a question in her laptop that thousands of others are doing the same everyday.. do they all think they are philosophers... in this increasingly populated world, is gaining a unique place in this world a hard thing to achieve? or is by virtue of us being individual, we already have a unique place in this world..

anyways.. its friday evening.. and such circuitous thoughts serve no-one.. if only i could write a short poem like this moon river that would give so much solace to so many people... have a great weekend my friends..

love...

From up above..

Yes guys, literally.. I am writing this blog from the skies.. the first time ever that I am working on a laptop in the plane… the past few days have been so exciting and I have been meaning to write a blog on it for so long..

So, I am doing my summers right now.. it’s great.. a lot of hard work, something I realize now that I have lost touch with for more than year now.. B-school is really not that hard.. I mean.. I can sleep whenever I want!! In the last one month, I have been to Hawaii, been the east coast to Buffalo, niagra and Ithaca, then a weekend camping at the Sequoia national park with friends.. and now I am on my way to Colorado springs.. exciting life.. it always makes me feel so good to travel to new places..

I went to meet my best friend at buffalo. .and I learnt that some things never change.. it was literally the best 4 days of my last one year.. to able to talk stuff all night.. cry over spilt milk.. things which one could never do by oneself.. and even though I met her after three years, it was as if we were still living together in that favorite old hostel of ours! Awesome.. we got so many cat calls in those two days that it completed the feeling of having been transported back in time to college days ;-)

No offense to all the photo lovers of the world.. but what is it that makes you want to store all of life and everything that you see into a 12” x 12” 2 D picture? I was amazed at some people’s single minded fixation of taking the best pictures that the world has ever seen.. and to buy tons of hard drive space too to store those 2 D images… are we so tired to use our brain that we need such material triggers to stir up wonderful memories.. anyways.. having never been a photo person and being a strong believer of preserving experiences solely in my grey matter, I did not know whether to feel impressed or sorry for these people who had take pictures to feel that have experienced something new… and worth remembering.. maybe it is the touch of narcissism that is there in all of us that makes us wanna store images of ourselves at various points in time.. to look back at and feel good about our existence (which is pretty trivial if you have to photograph yourself.. if you are larger than life, then others would be doing the job for you)

Anyways.. if you see too many caps in this document of mine.. it’s all microsoft’s fault, for the software seems to believe that one’s character is closely linked to one’s capitalization practices ;-)

Coming back to the point, camping was awesome.. I kept waking up throughout the night sure that a bear was sniffing our tent right next where I was lying down.. it was scary.. and adventurous at the same time.. and I did a 2 mile hike across a couple of deserted mountains … again fearing all the time an encounter with one of wild species of the forests.. be it bears or snakes.. I literally ran through the 2 miles.. and when I reached the safety of the roads.. I was so happy I did that.. because I am not sure I will repeat that experience.. it is going to be one of the once in a lifetime experiences..

Now, I will come to the most interesting part of my last one month.. this morning’s taxi ride.. the driver was an Indian.. of course.. why would it be so interesting.. all these amazing experiences that I have been having were still not compensation enough for the one experience that I miss more than anything else in this life.. living in India.. I happened to read “the namesake” recently.. it was a tough book.. the people who come from India, especially the un-ambitious ones like me are so unhappy living away from their own culture.. but still we live on.. is it because it is a new experience.. is it because you become too much of coward to go through one more life changing experience? Of going back to where you came from.. whatever it is .. I don’t know what keeps me here and everyday of my life here I wish to go back.. I pray to god to take me back to the land of people, pollution and all things poor and pitiful, because that’s where I belong.. among the people to whom I can make a difference.. and I am going to go back.. this is for certain.. no amount of opportunities and promises of better life and more opportunities… will keep me from the place where I know I can make the most difference..

That said.. I just realized that I strayed away one more time.. we spoke.. the driver and I throughout the 30 minute about life.. and stuff.. which only Indians can talk about.. the rest of the world seems to be living much in the present and way too focused to discuss philosophy.. the way Indians do every waking moment.. is the generations of our forefathers.. and their philosophical thoughts that affect us so? Could be.. anyway.. I am glad that this plane ride has given me this opportunity to write so much… to take the time to just sit and reflect on this past one month.. there is a certain satisfaction in being able to note the things that you felt and done and to try to understand what you learnt from it.. its like a photography of words.. of capturing everything through my words.. ahhh.. this is so much better than the pictures… which does not allow for the kind of creativity.. and the interpretation.. that only words can provide..

Anyways.. friends, I hope have made you happy.. that’s one long monologue that I am glad that I penned.. be happy.. so long..

PS: The guy sitting next to me got so intrigued by my blog that we ended chatting for the next 2 hours of my flight.. isn't life amazing.. isn't blogging even more amazing!!

the namesake..

I was recently going through an intensely difficult personal situation and I recently read this most amazing novel called "The Namesake" written by Jhumpa Lahiri. you ask what is the connection.. well there is a very good connection.. both to some extent told me the importance of a father in one's life.. and valuing him..

unlike the protagonist who realized the value of his dad only after his dad passes away , I realize the value of mine every time I reach out to him after a personal crisis.. always he says the same thing: you are a golden girl.. things will get sorted out.. I spoke to god yesterday, he assured me that things will become alright.. but these words, coming from my dad is so reassuring.. suddenly I have the courage to face the problem.. face the world.. how can things be so wrong if my dad is there to support me?

anyways.. my word is this.. reach out to your parents when you want.. they are the pillars of your world..

high praise from my tutee

you have to read it to believe it!!

last year, i was a tutor for a summer intern who eventually got a PPO and when asked to write a few words about his tutor for a felicitation function, this is what he sent it seems - keep your dictionary ready in hand ;-)

My tutor Maalika Manoharan is literally a stalwart personifying dynamism, motivation and inspiration for me. She is a rambunctious person full of energy and vibe. She was quite ubiquitous for me as a tutor and as a friend, and always helped me out. She is a blessed owner of a perspicacious mind and great heart. I express my deepest gratitude to her.

i just replied that he made my year!!

no i have not made this post up - you can ask aditya at itbhu!!

my latest craze

after a long long time, i have been going mad after a song..
tere bin - atif aslam's voice kills.. even though the lyrics are not anything novel or unheard off, and really lack the spark of creativity, his voice more than makes up for it.. and the artist is so shy of the camera (is intentional of course) that it makes the sorrow so his and unshared.. and adds to the overall magic.. i have realized that it takes one passion to override another..

try it!: http://youtube.com/watch?v=-TCWCk_uGAk

tere bin main yun kaise jiya
kaise jiya tere bin
lekar yaad teri raaten meri kati
mujhse baaten teri karti hai chaandani
tanha hai tujh bin raaten meri
din mere din ke jaise nahi
tanha badan tanha hai ruh nam meri aankhen rahe
aaja mere ab rubaru
jeena nahi bin tere
tere bin main yun kaise jiya
kaise jiya tere bin

kabse aankhen meri raah mein tere bichhi
bhule se hi kahi tu mil jaaye kabhi
bhule na mujhse baaten teri
bheegi hai har pal aankhen meri
kyun saans loon kyun main jiyu
jeena bura sa lage
kyun ho gaya tu bewafaaa mujhko bata de wajah
tere bin main yun kaise jiya
kaise jiya tere bin ...

jane eyre - belittled..

I have been spending since last evening, my time watching the BBC series of Jane Eyre.. it used to be one of my favorite novels (i think it is better than jane austen's).. and while i was watching it realized that the women was not at all a match for the jane eyre in my mind.. and hence started simultaneously reading book, on online-literature to verify some of the more interesting dialogues.. given below is an excerpt from the book..

"And this is Jane Eyre? Are you coming from Millcote, and on foot?
Yes--just one of your tricks: not to send for a carriage, and come
clattering over street and road like a common mortal, but to steal
into the vicinage of your home along with twilight, just as if you
were a dream or a shade. What the deuce have you done with yourself
this last month?"

and given below is what was spoken in the serial..

"And this is Jane Eyre? Are you coming from Millcote, and on foot?
Yes--just one of your tricks: What the deuce have you done with yourself
this last month?"

the beautiful words that Mr. Rochester utters in between is missed out.. how sad is that? to call in Charlotte bronte's work and to miss out on the poetry of her words.. and yesterday, i also got a chance to watch a documentary on ayn rand.. which talks about how tortured ayn felt to see her first screenplay being morphed in so many ways by so many directors... i understand it.. probably because the author of this much loved book is so dead, i feel personally insulted.. but friends, the warning remains.. never judge a book by its movie.. it is as good as reading the abridged version.. making something unique appear common place.. robbing it of it's holy place in the history of literature!

quotes..

here are some quotes that received this morning in an email.. surprisingly, a lot of the things said have an echo in my heart.. i used to find it amazing, that all great people said the same things in different ways... now, it is not anymore.. i think there is only one way to improve as a human being, and hence all their sayings makes sense..

In this life we cannot always do great things. We can only do small things with great love.
-Mother Teresa


All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles have strengthened me...you may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.
-Walt Disney


The time is always right to do the right thing.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.


Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
-Mahatma Gandhi


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
-Henry Ford


The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dream.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

enjoy...

spring break trip

I have written about 4 posts on my spring break experiences in the official blog..
find it here in www.Stanford-Nola.blogspot.com

from new orleans..

hi guys,

as a part of series of my official posts for me service learning trip, i thought i'd practice by writing one in my personal blog..

today was intense.. it started with a trip to the new schools for new orleans.. where we got an introduction into the state of schools in new orleans, and what the "educationers" planned to do about it. following that, we went to one of the schools where we learned about educating kids with special needs, in this case, most of the kids where from poor, predominantly black, single parent backgrounds, with many living in trailors and/or living with relatives rather than parents. it was interesting to try and understand the kind of needs such kids might have and how much more a school needs to do, in order to create a conducive environment for these kids to learn.

Then, we had one of the most amazing experiences of our lifetime. We got a chance to listen the life story of a man who had committed a first degree murder as a juvenile (technically a manslaughter because he is a juvenile) and to a lady who had juggles with twins as a homeless fifteen year old. It was amazing to listen to their life stories and find out what sustained them, and what they see themselves as and what they want their life to mean.

Then, we got a chance to listen to two amazing people. One, a dominican nun who was running the hope house and told us her story of being the "winterkeeper" for a man sentenced to death row. And the second, was a man who had devoted his life to fighting for social justice in New Orleans... and his thoughts on segregation and obama's candidacy...

My internet time is running out and will write about the intricacies more later.. so far, what you have seen, is just the facts....
Hang in there!

levitating contemplations..

i am feeling so liberated.. like i am floating in the air.. nothing to keep me tied to the earth.. no obligations.. i just feel light... i want to feel this way always... irresponsible, light and yes, elated..

life suddenly no longer seems like racing towards a destination.. just a slow bubbling brook wandering aimlessly.. enjoying its own warm soliloquy... while laughing all the way through its unknown journey.. content in itself.. wow.. what relief.. what spontaneity.. and what joy..

let the sun shine, and the breeze blow.. let the trees sway, and the spring colors bloom.. for what elation it is to be free of the imaginary ties that chain down the spirit..

delete maalika.blogspot...

as you guys know probably, I have been struggling with the immense desire to delete my blog.. maybe if i delete this, i can get down to some serious writing, rather than just let all my creative instincts flow unheeded through this one medium.. also, i felt like my blog was no longer cheerful... its been mourning for the last 3 of five years that i have had it...

but then, as i was deciding whether i should pull the plug, being the cancerian i am that loves my past even more than the present, I read some of my old blogs written in the beginning of 2005 and lo... these posts have captured better than any photograph ever could, the essense of me in 2005.. every article gave rise to a million memories, feelings.. every word had a double meaning.. one for me and one for the world.. i realize that in time, i have mastered the art of private-public communication, where i express my most intimate thoughts, thoughts i would be scared to acknowledge to my best friend, in my blog...

my blog has truly become my sounding board, best beddy and all things i can expect a website to be ;-) and i realize that the kind soul that i am, i do not have the heart to delete my blog.. i have been very disloyal in my life.. to many people for many reasons.. mostly because i did not care enough about the others to take the trouble to handle certain delicate situations... i don't want to do the same to my blog, which has been so loyal to me.. which has only unerringly responded to my needs.. no matter what i have been going through or whether it is right or not...

they say that prayer is just what you say to yourself.. to reinforce your own thoughts.. to make things happen.. my blog is like my prayer... i think i will work towards changing its tone (that is works towards the way i feel in general).. and perhaps, it will be fun to read my blogs again some day.. till then,

life goes on.. good luck my friends..

sangeetha swarangal...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmCi2HVQXr0

its a song I love.. you don't need to understand the lyrics.. its the age old concept presented with DD (doordarshan) as the backdrop. enjoy..

enjoy your spring breaks..

live music..

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5vRLVnpF2j8

check out the link about... it's a song by signe tollefsen.. who i had this amazing opportunity to listen in a private party.. don't ask me the details of how i managed that.. you will truly madly deeply freak out.. and i like a little mystery around my activities ;D

but she was oh so awesome.. what charisma.. what voice.. not at all what she looks like in this video.. just amazing... i was transported to her world of sensual mysticism... and her soulful voice in that hushed room and the mournful guitar.. chiming in to fill the void created in our hearts by her lyrics...

and later i remembered how my own dreams of making a name through art has died a dignified death, before i even attempted at it.. its funny.. to notice that as you grow, your ambitions die down.. and thats why it's so important to not disillusion people.. who can achieve things before reality overtakes them..

and oh, i have news! i have chosen to become the official blogger of my new orleans study trip.. after reading a pop fiction and a historical romance on new orleans, and attending 10 business meetings about he situation there, i think i now have sufficient perspective on new orleans.. but it will be interesting.. since this will probably be my first semi-official role as a writer of any sort.. i am still not good enough to choose to write for our official magazine, but a blogger will do nicely for now..

but, life goes on.. and i need to make the most of every second...
have fun guys..

the search is over..

there.. 4 years after starting my blog.. i changed what my blog stands for.. its no longer searching for the truth.. no.. not any more.. it's all in the little things.. thats life.. call it trivialization.. but i have decided to live my life everyday.. as if there is no tomorrow.. so, i am doing those things that i want to do most everyday.. that doesn't mean i have no goals or i have stopped trying.. it's just that i have volunteered to recognize that it is my life, my day, and i choose how best to spend it.. and that i will find happiness and truth.. in the little things that i do..

anyways, right now i am obsessing a song called lamha lamha in the hindi movie called gangster.. it is awesome.. one of the few hindi songs that manages to be sensual and erotic without being vulgar.. it's a good one to get our indian audience initiated into the adult mode.. where they can be open to sensuality without the awkwardness.. that characterizes the typical bollywood item scenes.. it always felt to me that directors and actors fought so hard to achieve this balance.. and almost always failed.. it was either too emotional, or too calculated to be natural, or too cheesy or just plain gross. I like this song, because i think the the director have handled the subject with an ease and maturity, that makes the song thoroughly enjoyable and in a certain mood if you are up for it :-D

hope you guys have fun watching it, if you haven't already!!

Gandhi's talisman

since the days i read it first on the preface of my CBSE textbooks, I took Gandhi's talisman to heart. He says that when things seem too much to bear, just go out and help the poor and needy and you will feel peace. I think it works, because we met people lower on the maslow's triangle and our own suffering seems indulgent and trivial. but sometimes, it doesn't hold.. when things seem so much that all you want to do is sleep, and let the eternal peace conquer you...

and sometimes my mind just seems to go on screaming unnamed words... feelings... and all i can bear to do is shut all my senses and hope that they will go away... appeal to god... not for even happiness or peace.. just silence...

the fading poetry..

i was just listening to this wonderful song from the movie Anand called "kahi door"..
and there is a line which just captured my thoughts...

yeh mere sapne,
yehi to hai apne,
mujhse juda na honge,
inke ye saye, inke ye saye..

I realize that increasingly my blogs are becoming poetic..
i think i need them, given that increasingly my life is missing the poetry..

here is one piece of unsolicited advice my friends..
never underestimate the importance of poetry and music...
they fill the gaps in life that knowledge of economics and evolutionary theories don't!!

anyways, what do you do to recapture some of this poetry apart from being glued on to Youtube? I am trying to figure out an answer to this problem.. in any case, i saw this movie called Kite Runner today... wow, it was awesome.. did not expect it to be this deep.. but it was..
again i was struck by how the seemingly irrelevant details of life become most relevant once they are taken away from you... like the importance of poetry in one's life...

how trifle we are...

here is one of the most comprehensive and intensely sincere prayers that I have come across.. We used to sing this every week when I was in school, but I never understood or appreciated these powerful words..

This is my prayer to thee, my lord- strike, strike at the root of penury in my heart.
Give me the strength lightly to bear my joys and sorrows.
Give me the strength to make my love fruitful in service.
Give me the strength never to disown the poor or bend my knees before insolent might
Give me the strength to raise my mind high above daily trifle.
And give me the strength to surrender my strength to thy will with love.

I am at a phase in life, where I am feeling the need to balance my humility against my confidence.. its so tough.. I believe myself very humble, at the same time I fear being thought of as a snob.. it is difficult..

anyways... life goes on.. and hope you are all happy...

happy new year..

happy new year my friends.. may this year get you everything you can ever want...
just back from a trip to LA and Mexico... was so much fun.. saw snow and a volcano for the first time... heard a mariachi group play and danced with the Oaxacan dancers... drank mezcal and tequila in the land that invented them both...

it was awesome! and all the while there was something that i was thinking.. that i wanted to write a blog on... it is about this set of memories i have... the ones that i reflect on when i am alone, just to relish being by myself or when the external world becomes too much for me, and i take a step back into myself and think some pleasant thoughts just to feel the lightness... how good these memories are, keeping me company... so faithful to my happy being...

hope you guys have such memories too, to keep you company when the going gets rough.....

and here are two books to people interested in history... one is the Kind Leopold's Ghost and the other is The Bottom Billion. Interestingly, both are in Africa and I suddenly feel that I have not devoted enough attention to this dark continent! now amidst my interviews and classes, i have decided to read more the things i used to...

once again, happy new year guys!!