finding neverland...

I am filled with doubts... doubts gnawing at the peace of my mind... sometimes I don't wanna live anymore... I feel like 'been there done that'... nothing that i do seem to give me peace... wanna become buddha... go far far away from everything i know and everything i have been... refreshing newness is what i want..

maybe thats why I was so drawn to this film that I saw recently.. finding neverland... the concept itself is so alluring... having a neverland of your own, where you retreat when you have had enough of the world... enough of the mad rush of the people around you... with which you can't identify... not anymore...

there should be a commune... a secret one... consisting of people who want nothing but for the beauty of this earth to be preserved.. for all posterity... green earth... blue sky... flowers of all colours and fragrances.... cool breeze... bubbling brooks... graceful deer darting around... white clouds billowing around happily in the sky... occasionally blunting the mellow warmth of the sun... wow... i sincerely hope that i live my dream.... surrounded by nature... and warmth... a small brick cottage.. a furry dog... a majestic horse... and me... with books and music.... alone for the rest of my life.... no, i don't want people... i am disillusioned now... people only make me feel more void... no, i don't want people with me... me and nature... thats it....

oops... gotta go now..
maybe i will sit by the beach this evening (its only 50m from my house!)
let everything else go to hell..
i just want some peace...
and let me enjoy it while it still seems within reach...

tata guys...
hope your dreams come true too...

secret..

i think i now possess the secret of living a content life.. its about keeping the sweet little wellspring of joy and purpose hidden in your heart and cultivating it for a little time everyday before moving on to the daily activities of life... when your thinking is limited to mistaking the summation of daily activities as life itself, you are left feeling shallow...

Any thoughts??

life is beautiful!

hi guys... I am suddenly seized with a desire to write about my life in my blog.... it seems that my life is one long continuous maze with a new twist coming at every unexpected moment.. last year, when I was one of the happy recipients of the prestigious bachelor of technology degree from one of the best colleges in India, if you had told me that I would be sitting in a small factory on the outskirts of Pondicherry typing out a long post on my life at the end of a long day, I would have laughed at you... but thats precisely what I am doing now... I came to IIT to go abroad... when I got my JEE results, the first thing I told my mom was "my gate to the US of A has opened at last"... from that moment till my final year, I worked towards a good app... then suddenly my dream didn't really seem all that appealing... India did not seem all that bad... in fact India seemed to place I had to be in...

anyways... now that I am here... with a job that I reasonably enjoy doing... life seems boring... everything is so in place, that I am itching for something to go wrong... an interesting job (where I got to boss around!), a good pay cheque, a small lovely town (half french I might add), lots of books, DVD's of every imaginable movie (at 30 bucks each!), a rocky beach, little french restaurants (filled with french beauties in lacy attires - not that it means anything to me, I am just describing the place... ), tamil, south indian food, air conditioned bedroom and summer trainees for company... it seems so perfect that I am not able to believe I am bored with it...

the day after tomorrow is my birthday... weird that I should mention it... since my birthdays have never assumed too much importance in my life... the last time I celebrated was when I was way too young to remember it... in college I never had an opportunity to spend my birthdays with friends or family and this year is not very different... and without people who care about you around, birthday is hardly a memorable day... and distributing chocolates to and recieving token gifts from the not-so-close-people around me does not give me any joy whatsoever... it only makes me feel conscious and embarrassed...

thats about all thats happening in my life now... but it feels good to have written this blog... I wanted to tell someone about whats going on in my life... and I have said it now... my car has come I gotta go home... So long!

urgent

this is for all my dear friends who care about my fame as a decent blogger...
It was moments after I posted my previous poem (if you can call that sequence of rhyming words that) that i got my first 'constructive criticism' that it was 'shallow'... and it didn't take long even to me to realise that... the reason it first went up to my blog was because I was telling my sister, how to write rhyming poems... and my enthusiasm to teach got the better off me, and out came that 'shallow' piece of writing...

in any case, I wanted to immediately write this post apologising for putting up that piece of shit and disappointing the precious few who bother to read my blog... but things kept coming up (including more notes from more friends on how bad the poem was) and hence in the middle of my busy day at the factory, I decided that enough is enough, and hence this post...

more meaningful(to me) stuff will soon follow....
sorry...

choices

Life’s no longer a race,
to be completed, a mission,
I am grown up now, an ace,
the only thing lacking is a vision,

To decide what to do,
in this short living,
my intention is true,
it’s the choices that are confusing,

a politician, I wannabe,
when I think,
that power is the key,
to save the people from the brink.

or I might be a poetess,
and I shall mime,
life with its facets and finesse,
with my rhyme. or maybe I should make,

maybe its music Ishould make
music that can heal,
music that causes ripples even in a silent lake,
music that make even a dead soul feel.

I have always wanted teach,
for it’s the young minds that I can mould,
their reasoning I can reach,
with lessons and smiles and an occasional scold.

a farmer I will be,
till the land and sow the seed and reap the crop,
for it is he,
without whom the world will stop.

a real estate agent,
an investment trader,
a beauty pageant,
economist, scientist, philosopher!

the choices are too many.
what is my true calling,
things are making me go zany,
confusion seems to be my failing.