country life...

been so long since I blogged!! am in trichy now... living a country life... that which comprises solely of my role as a daughter and sister (a responsible, elder one at that... )



its so weird here.. paying current bills, settling milk account, going to "Fair-price" shops, putting JEE fundaes to my sister, feeding 2 kittens, helping mom in the kitchen...



I feel like one fine day I have become another person, assumed another personality... where all my books and grades don't matter.... where I get scolded if I argue with my sister... though this change was first very confusing and even depressing to me.... now I am enjoying the change... in the sense that I feel so different, not at all the maalika I am... but some ancient person who I used to know... with different issues, different worries...



I feel like a blur...

grappling for a grip...

hope this free time does me good.. though god knows, I am not relaxing.... just unable to do so... to unload the thoughts that run incessantly in my head....



Hoping for a miracle... selective amnesia... so that I can erase all the unwanted memories and keep only the cherished ones... but probably, its all these disturbing thoughts that make me, ME...



Let's see...

In the meanwhile..

Happy new year to everyone out there... hope the next year is the better than all the previous years :-)

Love demystified...

I read this really funny article (the article was serious enough... i found the content amazingly funny..) about a woman whose career consisted of demystifying love..



she classifies them into lust, infatuation and attachment...



Lust is dangerous, for it tends to develop emotional attachment and if you lust the wrong person, you may end up being attached to the wrong person.. which is totally wrong.



Infatuation is dangerous, for it keeps you on a permanent high and makes you obsessive about the person you are infatuated with... and kills your peace for good...



Attachment is what human beings want ultimately and this has to bloom slowly in a relationship...



Anyway the woman herself is still searching for true love it seems... no wonder... if she starts classifying what she feels and analysing them... phew!



madam, we don't want any 'need analysis' and 'in-depth probing' of such vastly complex issues,

just some courage to take risks, faith to believe in our decisions and endurance to make it work will do...

in mourning...

today my cousin died... 15 year old boy, run over by a bus... wheels over his head...

Gruesome.. unbelievable... horrifying...



death is so sudden.. so instant.. no time to regret, no time to mend the past... no time to do all the things you wanted to do...



I remember our sister (a catholic nun in my school, which was a christian institution) said once "Live everyday like its your last day on this earth"



That way you won't fight with anyone... won't carry grudge... coz you don't have the time for it.. life is much to short and much too sweet... and you won't procrastinate all the nice things you want to for tomorrow, coz there may be no tomorrow... and you will cringe from antogonizing others... you don't want people to remember you with bitterness after your death....



I think its a good policy... after all who wants enemies? who wants bitterness?

friends, this may be the last day of your stay here...

run now and do your thing!!

from the mallu land...

First Love



There was once lived a female sparrow in the forests of Kerala, who was terribly in love with a certain male sparrow in the vicinity. She flew by his nest several times just to steal a look at him. But never did she find the courage to confess her feelings. And one day, she found him making love to another female.... she flew back blindly to her nest and cried and cried... it was too late....



One she will get over him....

One day she will find her own mate... her twin soul...

But the sweetness of her first love will always remain...

a tender memory in her heart...

for it had taught her what love was....

Love...

It blooms with mutual admiration and respect...

It thrives on sharing and compromising...

It mellows to warmth and companionship...

It dies only with death...





this phenomenon called 'love'



Love is stabilizing... like an anchor...

It disturbs only when its not mutual...

going haywire like a boat without sails...



Hmmm.....

Be positive...

perceptions matter... perceptions are everything... so a positive attitude is vital for a healthy state of mind.. So much depends just on how you look at things... anything can be ugly or beautiful.. just by changing your viewpoint.



Thats why a positive attitude is important... have the look and feel of a winner about you... and lo, you really become a winner... Coz to be at the top, you should start feeling like a topper... unless you don't think you deserve to be at the top, how can you hope to be at the top?



And use positive words only and think postive thoughts only. Instead of concentrating on the futility of existence divert your attentions to the fruits of your actions. Do good. Serve others. coz, what goes around, comes around, a million times over. One kind deed, one selfless act will come back to you in the form of a fulfilled dream...



So, don't let pessimism conquer you, its worth the effort to be positive and active and be a go-getter than to lose yourself in apparent hopelessness of everything and waste away...



The power of one is immense. Use it. Its in you to change this world single handedly... perform miracles, plainly by believing that you can very well change the world and perform miracles. Don't cower looking at the innumerous ready to laugh at you... just go and do it. for, you can.



There is no I will try... its either I do or I don't.. so choose to do and do it. Just remember, you can, do anything.



"you will get anything you want, if you want it badly enough" there is nothing impossible on this earth. the power is there... the attitude to use it, is not. So, you see, its only a question of attitude.



Be positive. Always.

alone...

I have been trying real hard to remove this tone of pessimism from my blogs... I don't feel that way most of the time.... but it seems like I want to write my post only when I am feeling as sad and blue... so here goes yet another sad post... to all of you who are in a cheerful mood, don't bother to read further and spoil you light mood...



Everyone is fundamentally alone on this earth... everything is inside us... The world outside is immaterial, as we live in our mind alone.. so, why does this mind get hurt at another's word or actions? Why do we expect? if this expectation is only a feeling, why is the control of such a feeling so very hard to master? If the aim of life is to live freely... why are we forced to control our feelings? chain our impulses?



I want to be happy always... free from expectations from those around me... Just focus on what I have to do... and do it cheerfully... without second thoughts... but one friend hurts me, and I go all low... one wrong word from someone I care for, and I get dejected and sad and don't want to live anymore... I forget my purpose, lose my focus and get lost into some kind of eternal haziness... till things get sorted out... why is my happiness so dependent on somebody else? why do I care so much? How does it matter? One day, I am gonna die, alone... so why do these people matter?

Bring me to life....

"Save me from the nothing I've become..."



A song by Evanescence... or rather, a woman's cry..

man, it touches a chord in me,

somewhere deep.. so amazing, so visceral, so raw...

the tone of the song and the words...



am still in her potent spell..

a helpless victim...

why?

you enter this world crying...

its probably stage-fear...



yes... this is a pretentious life...

you are in a state of permanent hypnosis...

to believe that you can make any difference...



in the end its all ashes...

always...



where are you running all the time, by the way?

don't you know that 'nothing matters??'

you seem to have forgotten that



you are just this: ashes...



so why do you choose to ignore this glaring fact?

and live as if it makes any difference to you or anyone?

is it just the



fear of turning to ashes???

I WANT ESCAPE

I suppose this deliberate plea needs no elaboration....

The Godfather

its famous for many reasons... this novel by Mario Puzo about the underworld dons... I don't know all the reasons, but there is one thing I really like in this novel... the way the author stays away from describing Micheal's state of mind when his wife dies.. the one he loved so dearly... he refuses to trivialize his tragedy by elaborating on it... and this gives us a deep sense of his irretrievable loss and we are overcome with empathy for Michael...



btw, its an amazing read...

Inspired by the Dead poets' society....

Long long ago,

I don’t even remember when,

Someone told me to go,

Beyond the mountains seven,

To that eternal spring,

Which sprinkled the scented essence,

That salvation will bring,

To the sinned soul and the muddled sense,

I was too young to think,

Hence did what I was told,

And I ran and ran to the brink,

Hoping for the secret to unfold…

Until one dewy morning,

I realized, my life was passing me by,

Without even a warning,

And my mouth turned dry...

Oh, to think of the wasted time,

The wasted life,

When I should have dined,

On the nature’s rife,

From now on, I shall grow,

Not pursue, not run,

Just suck on life’s marrow,

In this new life that has begun!

A s(l)ick definition of our lives...

We live in a greedy little world--

that teaches every little boy and girl

To earn as much as they can possibly--

then turn around and

Spend it foolishly

We've created us a credit card mess

We spend the money we don't possess

Our religion is to go and blow it all

So it's shoppin' every Sunday at the mall



All we ever want is more

A lot more than we had before

So take me to the nearest store



Can you hear it ring

It makes you wanna sing

It's such a beautiful thing

Lots of diamond rings

The happiness it brings

You'll live like a king

With lots of money and things



------ Shania Twain's Ka Ching...



Contradicting this, what come to my mind our thalaivar Rajini's definition of why we earn any amount of money at all...



Nalla sapadanum

Stylaa dress pannanum... thats all our motivation is all about!!



(eat well, dress in style... )

Makes me think!

And to think we live in the same world!!

This post concerns our maidservant back at home ... an old woman of around sixty but who looked much older, with cracked, parched skin covering old bones, permanently bent over with age and fatigue and big teeth stained black with incessant chewing of the tobacco... one of the few pleasures of her life...



She still works to support her grandchildresn after the untimely death of her son.... If you think she will be a cheerless woman worn by the roughness of life's dealings with her, you got it all wrong... She is a smiling woman whose issues of life and criterions of happiness were soo different from mine, that it made me thank god for giving us all a scope for happiness...



Well, coming to the point, she was telling me this story about how the people of her community brought the God to their abode (translating to building a small temple among their huts...) Its a big ritual involvong all the important people of her village who went to Samayapuram (a very old renowned durga temple in Trichy, our hometown), after performing several pooja's , got the God (this time the idol which they will plcae in their temple) to their place... (The details of the story involved some men who were trying to hinder this process, but her language was so befuddled, I couldn't make out much), but with a triumphant smile she says "But the GOD belonged in our village. So inspite of all the hurdles we brought him!!"



And when I spoke to her (I could never help my awe at the face of such innocence) about whether she really believed in god and stuff, all she says with a shocked face is "what questions you ask child, of course, god is everything for us!!"



I did not know whether to be shocked at how different our thoughts and issues were and or send a silent prayer up to the God she believed in for making such faith possible....

Home...

"Home is the place where, when you have to go there,

They have to take you in."



No more sentiments... its that simple...

when you are desolate, you turn to your home and they will take you...

Its immaterail whether you are rich or poor as long as you have a home..

nothing else matters... not even a feeling of belonging... Just the cock-sureness that a place called home exists where you can take refuge, no matter what...



ha, how wonderful the re-assurance!

Just to reiterate....

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep....



Somehow I have this terrible conviction that my life slowly passes me by... without my ever having the time to stop and cherish the moment and not worry about a future or reflect about a past... just stop and exult in the nature's beauty... a clear dawn, a brilliant star-studded night sky, the incessant lapping of the waves, birds chirping, the slight drizzle cooling the earth, deer racing across the meadows... so many moments waiting to be enjoyed..



are the promises really worthy of keeping?

Neither out far nor in deep....

And the people look at the sea.



They cannot look out far.

They cannot look in deep.

But when was that ever a bar

To any watch they keep?



------- Robert Frost



yes... When has the knowledge of our ignorance, stopped us from living??

But the worth of such a life is an entirely different issue... perhaps only gauged by the person who is living it... hmmm...

Awareness...

The one thing that is very conspicuous about Indian society is its seeming lack of awareness.... about any issue which should have been first priority if we all cared at all about the future... And this indifference stretches across the different classes, and is present irrespective of education or exposure....



IIT, the supposed cream of the society, the elite group which gets royal treatment from the government, has a lamentable lack of this awareness... I do not know whether to be dejected or digusted at this indifference....



I would like to recount some happenings here which has grieved me greatly...



1) Power Conservation: Its common knowledge fossil fuels are depleting. An average IITian knows the rate at which it is depleting, how long it will last, the inflation because of this depletion, the problems we are all going to face less than fifty years from now, when there will be no more thermal power plants, industries will come to a grinding halt (as we don't have the technology yet to replace petroleum and coal).. We know that fossil fuels is not an income to the country but a capital.. which has to conserved with at most care...



Leaving aside the fact that the fact the government has not done much to encourage power conservation, we would expect at least the educated to be more careful. But as I walk along my hostel corridors, I see most locked rooms with fan and light running behind them.... When I write a notice addressing the residents to just switch of their lights and fans and urging them to act more responsible, all I find is the notice missing an hour after I stuck it there! Reason: Shaastra (a technical festival here which brings a lot of students from other colleges) The hostel doesn't want to lose its face by displaying such notices which gives it a bad image by exposing its inadequacies.... I gave up. Here people are not concerned about the issue, but their name! The name which they have because the country expects them to responsible..... IITians don't deserve it... We don't deserve it.



2) Deforestation: IIT campus is a beautiful and green spot, an anamoly in this polluted city... But the rate at which we are losing our greenery, it would no longer be one... Is there a student rally? A protest against this damage to this beautiful campus? no... students go to college, and mind their business as if its of no concern whatsoever to them... Is this the education we have to so proud of?



I would say that an intellectual society with no interest in social causes, is as well dead, for there what is the use of intellect without a concern for the future generations?



I can only cry "ARISE AND AWAKE!!"

To think or to do?

Sometimes, I think, that we do so we may not think....



We set targets, achieve them... we don't relax to bask on our achievements, oh no, we set another target and go about it till life becomes an incessant cycle of setting goals and striving to reach them... and when we die, we know not, how our life passed us by.... whether we truly lived... whether were happy, happiness as defined by us or as held by the society... We know not how to measure the success of our lives, we rely on others to say that to us...



Is all this doing an way escapade? from thinking? For if we ever sit to ponder and reflect, we shall come up with so many questions, that we have no answer for... We shall find our motivation to do taking a poor second to our urge to find out our purpose our existence and what we are on this earth for....



It is to evade the fundamental issues, for it scares us to answer them, that we set to work... giving us a false sense of purpose and pride. The society has evolved the way it has for this precise reason...



you desire ==> you work==> you get less time and more money==> you buy what you desire, but you can't indulge in them for you don't have time!! What a vicious circle!!

You are paid for your work, which is mostly drudgery... and you are wasting your time if you spend it thinking!



After all what good is it to think??

Henry David Thoreau : Life without Principle

The following are some abstracts from this American individualist's lecture... And I happen to share his views on the subject he talks about...



This world is a place of business. What an infinite bustle! I am awaked almost every night by the panting of the locomotive. It interrupts my dreams. There is no sabbath. It would be glorious to see mankind at leisure for once. It is nothing but work, work, work. I cannot easily buy a blank-book to write thoughts in; they are commonly ruled for dollars and cents. An Irishman, seeing me making a minute in the fields, took it for granted that I was calculating my wages. If a man was tossed out of a window when an infant, and so made a cripple for life, or seared out of his wits by the Indians, it is regretted chiefly because he was thus incapacitated for—business! I think that there is nothing, not even crime, more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself, than this incessant business....



If a man walk in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer; but if he spends his whole day as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making earth bald before her time, he is esteemed an industrious and enterprising citizen. As if a town had no interest in its forests but to cut them down!



Why have people forgotten the aim of life? To live as one wants to? Whe do we wake up in the morning hating the day and the work which comes with it? waiting for the night to come and drown us all into our sweet dreams again? Its as if, we are allowed to life the life we want only in our dreams... how sad that is! Why should ambition and adventure clash?





Why can't adventure itself be life's ambition??

confusion sucks....

Regarding research and work and MBA, some thoughts...



4 years in IIT does not equip you for

research of any kind unless you have gone out of the way to get

yourself a research experience...

now to my fears... IIT just keeps your brain working, thats all (your

brain dulls due to lack of use in other colleges)



So now you have a brain which still works and lots of energy at the

end of fourth year... what do you do with it?



1) Crack the CAT,(its not too tough, believe me, just 3-4 months of intense hard work) , do a peaceful MBA in the IIMs and get psued cash

in India... and get settled in life.... its a

great option for 8 pointers with not much research enthu or those with inherent marketing skills...



2) App: This is tough yaar... apping implies leaving India, not many

wanna do that.... Family constraints... And also commtting for a PhD

at the prime of your life, not eveyone likes it... unless there is

some field you are absolutely passionate about... but people like me

start bulbing in life....so much confusion that I can sit and cry...

...gone are the days when I worry about silly lab

reports... fourth you start planning your life for the first time

instead of just drifting with the current.... you start analysing who

you are, what are your real interests... etc etc.. The discovery may

not wholly please you either :-)



3) Job: job can be a peaceful escape for the lazy.. they will settle

there and carry on their placid life.... But it can also buy time for

the confused... Those who are restless, who are committed to achieve

something in life, but not sure of what, can take up the job, discover

more about life, and what they want out of it, and pursue it... Losing

enthu, packing education is for the weak hearted... So job is not a

bad option provided its temporary...



Or you can do lots of crazy things like be a detective, become a curator of a museum etc etc... (these are actual options for some of my friends...)

seeds of thought...

The three dimensional world we live is merely a product of our imagination... Really, thought, has the power to move the world. Its what you picture yourself as today in your mind, that goes onto become reality tomorrow. So THINK BIG!



Its really very simple. Picture yourself as a person having all the qualities you want to have and soon you will become one.. unconciously... Its all in the thought. The power to make or break.



There are only 2 things possible before doing anything. You think "I CAN" and you think "I CANNOT"... but the former belief will take you a long way, even if you cannot see the route now... so BE POSITIVE... and you will find that you can...



Your life is the garden and your thoughts, the seeds. You sow the right seeds, your garden grows beautifully and gives pleasure to everyone. You are careless in sowing your seeds, your gardan will also be rampant with unwanted weeds...



So, sow the seeds of thought carefully.

"Beware of what you want, for you may get them one day!"

The importance of planning...

Planning is very important for many fundamental reasons... Most people under-estimate this powerful tool, and waste unchannelised energy...



1) Planning helps you fix targets. Whether it is short range planning or long range planning. You can identify what you want.



2) Planning gives you an edge. You feel confident when you follow your plans. You know that you are moving towards your goal irrespective of the chaos happening around you.



3) Planning gives purpose, whether the purpose is to have fun or slog for the day, plan it and then do it. The effect increases.



4) Planning relieves tension. When you plan there is no need to panic for you have taken care of the problems even before you face them.



5) Planning also provides a kind of introspection, when you plan, you think about what you want, why you want it, etc. Your thought become clear. Allot time for planning everyday, if only 5 minutes in the morning, tell yourself what you are gonna do that day... You will realize that , at the end of the day, you would have done it, consciously or unconsciously. Thats the effect of planning.



Just try and see your life take a new course for the better.... Remember that life is too short and too precious to be lived haphazardly... Its our duty to cherish a planned life...

more on Ayn Rand....

Yes there are some follies in her theory... Like disrespect and scorn for another man. This is meaningless. Life as such deserves respect, you can't afford to treat anyone like a non-entity, that is the ultimate act of cruelty. Hence there is a fundamental flaw in her theory.



But her views on man-woman relationship is worth attention. She talks of certain knowledge, which you just know about the other person. And you expect him/her to know you, without your elucidation about yourself. It is like recognition of something deeper. The trust that develops in a relationship goes beyond what can be communicated. It is based on instinct. The instinct you use to judge a stranger. The instinct which brings you closer. It is true when she says "Love is when you feel that he/she exists and is breathing. When every moment of your day and night, at the back of your mind, the knowledge of his/her existance matters, more than your life or death."

The last of the living...

There was once a time, when living was not merely a fight for survival, as it has become today. There was a time when a man could devote his life to doing what he wanted to do, not what he has to, when feeding the soul was more important than feeding the stomach. It was a time of plenty, the population was few. No one was chasing time and space only feel the void that pervades the world....



today its no longer a choice... to live has come to imple living in the society as part of it and conforming to its unwritten rules... you break them, and you become weird. When people don't understand you, you become meaningless. Living for oneself is mere poetry, cheating oneself. It doesn't exist. You live for the nameless and faceless infinite which we call the world.



Romanticism is seen to be self-destructive. The man who dreams is the man who is doomed.



The last of the living is long dead. We don't live anymore, we don't remember how to. We survive.



ITS NOT DELIGHT. ITS FIGHT.

Links to some good blogs..

in2mec.blogspot.com... its amazing, seriously.... try reading it sometime...

sudhon.blogspot.com... killing funny...

The philosophy of "Objectivity"

Objectivity is a philosopophy, a code of life, formulated by Ayn Rand. For those who have not read Ayn Rand, I will first present a short outline of her theory.



Its about what defines man. Man as man should be. While tradition has it that man is judged by the goodness of his deeds, whether he is a samaritan, whether he stayed back to help those in need, whether he tethed etc etc, Ayn Rand strongly states than man is defined and judged by his work, his passion for working and nothing else. She epitomises a man's ego as his driving force, as the source of his inspiration, the peupose of his life. A man without ego is a man dead. She scorns at people who do not have an ambition, who do not care to strive for perfection, who want to please others and who live for the 'society'. She attacks communism for it kills individuality.



She questions everyone who say pleasure is evil, who say a preist has to be chaste, for isn't chastity an unnatural condition for man, who is intended to reproduce? And isn't pleasure again a state which man unconsciously desires? What is natural is what is real.



In essence, she says that man has to be ruled by reason. Man is man, because he has the ability to think. A beggar is better off dead than live a living death.



But there are a few questions she has not answered which leaves her theory incomplete and hence idealistic. A few of them, I have listed here...



1) What happens to people who are weakened by old age or handicapped people who cannot do anything? Who helps them? If kindness to other is a mistake, whats the solution? Are social organizations which cater to such people a waste?



2) If what is natural is what is real, than aren't man's emotional needs real? Can one expect his work to fulfill man? Isn't it highly idealogical?



3) Is joking so bad? I have known many a hard-working and famous man, who has no concept of humour, for whom life is ever so serious, for whom work is pleasure.... And I always feel sorry for them... why? Is this unnatural?



Anyone who has an answer to any of these are welcome to comment...

how can I sing!!?!

Music always confused me, no no, not the tunes themselves, but everything else about it... there are people who said "its better to shut your mouth up than to croak like a frog and pain others" and there are also people who preached that "music is just a form of relief, when the heart soars high, its only natural that it should be accompanied by a tune from your lips. Whether it follows any rhyme or chime is immaterial..."



I knew that I could always learn to control this urge to 'let go and sing' no matter who is present, if I put enough conscious effort into it. But is this necessary? To give up this wonderful way of expressing your exhileration with life, all because I couldn't quite catch the nuances of this complicated art or that my voice wasn't exactly what you call sugar-sweet?



I remembered Charles Darwin who regretted in old age, his life, that had been spent without music... God has given this wonderful means of communication not to be wasted away because of a few thoughtless comments from people around me... I shall not let the joy be robbed from me...



To all the people out there, who have never opened their lips to try out tunes for fear of ridicule, JUST SING!!... you are not hurting anyone...

I am not young enough to know everything....

The profound words by Oscar Wilde has a whole load of meaning in it...



As we grow up, we get disillusioned with the world. Everyday we seem to be knowing more of the things we cannot do or cannot be. This crippling attitude that we cannot escape from is what makes us old. Is knowing you cannot do something, knowledge? Where has the faith of the 'kid in you' gone? Why the complacence and the lack of action? Is this adulthood? the stage where we are supposed 'know'. I would call it the stage of 'stagnance'... where we just stop learning and forget.



Thats probably why Wordsworth said "The child is the father of a man " , its the grown-up who has got to learn from the kid!



Rise and shine. Glow with the knowledge that "Yes, its in me!". Change the world around you for the better.... Its not your duty, its your gift. If you have anymore doubts, just remember this...



YOU CAN!!

Qualties in a man that most women seek!!

What I am attempting to do here is just to tell the men a few qualities which all women like in their men, irrespective of their origin...



1) Integrity of character : if only to keep his marriage vows :-) He should also be trustable and open.



2) Smartness : Enough to sustain himself and his family in this world. He does not have to be some major whiz-kid, street-smartness would do very well indeed... Security is very important for a woman.



3) Mild Temperament : As opposed to most men's conception that a woman fall for macho characters, I would say that no woman likes her man to fly into a rage at the slightest provocation.



4) Kindness : Innate generosity, broad mindedness and kindness are characteristics much adored by women.

I hate it, man (sigh)

There are a lots of things about men, who are trying to impress women, which goes totally awry, creating a totally opposite effect. I have listed a few of them here....



1) Swearing.. God knows if you think this is psued.. every sentence interjected with ample 'four-letters' and 'six-letters', which are total turn-offs, when what we look for is a minimal sense of decency :-)



2) Chauvinism.. The "I am the gift of god to women" attitude is another put off... what are you trying to prove, by the way? That god was so dumb?



3) Tight jeans.. under-going that level of discomfort only to seem cheap!! if you think this is going to make a woman have stars in her eyes, think again!



4) Spiked and/or coloured hair.. I thought the whole purpose of dressing up was to appear appealing!!



5) Cigarettes.. man, if this is the symbol of ultimate manhood, we women have no choice but to give up.



6) The "I am cool" attitude.. drinking in parties, cracking adult jokes etc only serves to offend women...



7) Flourescent T-shirts.. we already have the sun to provide light, sir ;-)